Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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