trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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