just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
