Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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