Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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