thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
