Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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