My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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