whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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