I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
