Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
