I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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