The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
