I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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