And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
