You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
