Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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