If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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