im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
