I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
