yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize