why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
