Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
