So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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