I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
