I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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