I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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