im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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