he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
