Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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