but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
