last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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