I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
