I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
