she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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