Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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