i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
