I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
