So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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