i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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