Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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