i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
