She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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