How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
