do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
