Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
