if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize