My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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