I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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