he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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