May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
