I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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