Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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