My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
