I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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