DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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